Sonlight Garden

Sunny Saturday

 

 

 

 

What an absolutely beautiful day we were blessed with. It was sunny and almost got to sixty. Heaven!! We soaked it all up! We opened up the windows to air the house out a little. 

The little boys were asking to do some "activities" as they call them. I have been slacking on this lately, so today, I pulled out some new lavender beeswax and let them polish the table. They thought that was the best thing ever. The table was so thankful and soaked that beeswax all up, it had been a while since that was done. It looks so much better now. That kept them busy for about 15 minutes. Next up was chocolate chip cookie making. We made those right around nap time and poor Henry had a melt down about the apron that John Paul was wearing. After everything was measured, dumped, and mixed I sent them outside and everything was better.

Terry started building our compost pile frame. Henry was one of his helpers. Kind of.

Patrick built a tree fort and they spent quite a bit of time up there. John Paul called me for help. He claimed he was stuck. I just went over and talked him down. After he was down he thanked me for getting him out of the tree. I told him it was all him, he just needed a little encouragement. Don't we all!

The chickens are finally starting to lay! Yay! Everyday we get more and more. We have about 23 hens so soon we will have extra eggs. Patrick is in charge of the chickens, he has been waiting for eggs for eight long months now. He is excited to maybe make a little money on his egg business. 

My Amelia made her first confession today. What a sweet heart. Terry took her, as it has become our tradition that Terry takes all of the kids to their first confession. For whatever reason the kids seem to have a tougher time when I take them for that first one. We have learned this over the years. It's a mommy thing I guess. No tears or fears, she went in like a boss, she was the first in line. Daddy took her for ice cream after and she came home and told me she was full of grace! Indeed dear girl. I didn't take any pictures of her beaming smile. Darn! Tomorrow.

 Today was just a simple good day. Those are the best kind.

 (Amazon Link)

Christmas Eve Pictures

 

 

 

These are just a few of the scenes from Christmas eve. I forgot my camera when we went to Mass. But I managed to snap some pictures while cooking dinner. It was just so awesome. The kids pulled up chairs around the island and we just talked and laughed. These are the best times. When time slows down and we don't have anywhere to be except with each other, enjoying one another. It just makes me so happy to see my children laughing and talking with one another. Because it seems like most of the time sometimes they argue and say mean things to one another. But, we are family and we love each other fiercely. I love these memories being made. I pray my children will always remember them when they are grown up and have families of their own. 

I myself have the fondest memories of Christmas Eve when I was a child. I don't remember every one, but they are all somehow weaved together. My mom prepared the same meal every single year. Now I prepare that same meal. We look forward to it every Christmas Eve. My girls are learning how to make pierogies and cook smelt. Maybe they'll talk their future spouse into serving the same meal. I say talk into because it is a little bit different. I'll never forget the first Christmas Eve dinner that Terry came to my parents house. I think we were newly engaged. He was so sweet to choke down that Pickled Herring!! He is not a big fish fan. If you have ever had Pickled Herring you know it is the fishiest fish ever. Ha! He did it for me! 

Anyway family. Family is the greatest gift. How wise that that is how He came to us. 

Sisters

Are you sick of looking at all of our Easter pictures yet? This shall be the last post. I promise!! I didn't want to load up one post with all of these pictures. So thank you for looking!!

I love these pictures of my girls. Being the only girl in my family growing up I pray they realize how blessed they are to have each other. 

Me and my girls

 

I love how their relationship has matured. When they have been away from each other for a little while they comment how they miss each other. They exchange fashion advice and are each others cheerleader. A mother couldn't ask for anything more. I pray they always stay that way. 

 

 

These two are two peas in a pod. They remind me of Julia and Mary Jane when they were younger. They have two totally different personalities, but I think it balances the relationship out. 

 

A Very Merry Christmas!!

From our family to yours.

After a bajillion pictures this was the best we could do! Thank you for visiting this space and encouraging me, especially this past year. God Bless each and every one of you. May the birth of our Lord Jesus fill you with tremendous peace and joy!!

Thanksgiving 2013

 How was your Thanksgiving? Ours was wonderful and exhausting. Terry's mom and two brothers and niece flew into town. And my dad was here with us also. It was so nice to have family here with us to celebrate.

Unfortunately our household has been striken with two nasty viruses that have slowly been working their way through the house. I believe the "stomach bug" is gone. Please Jesus! Now it is just the fever, upper respiratory yuck hanging on. Poor Mary Jane and Patrick made a trip to the doctors on Wednesday. They both had raging ear infections. Patrick continued to run a high fever until last night. I ended up running him to the ER yesterday morning after another bad night. Motrin and Tylenol were not doing the job with the fevers, and he was looking really sick. I was worried about sepsis, but the doc assured me it looked viral and to keep doing what we were doing. So back home we went. Last night was the first night that he slept through. He woke up with a temperature under a 100 and looking much better. I am hopeful that we have turned the corner. 

Below are pictures of our kitchen. I took pictures because it was nice and clean right before I started cooking. It never looks this put together so I  struck while the iron was hot. Doesn't it look great? It is my dream kitchen. All of those tears during the renovation were worth it. We have so much room in here. I feel so blessed. 

 I have my sight on curtains now. I think that will be a new year project. I'm thinking something like a yellow patterned valance. I think...still undecided. I started to browse Pinterest for ideas. Any suggestions?

 

Thanksgiving day was mostly relaxing. I woke up super early and started cooking and had my portion of the meal done by 11:30. After that I changed and ran Patrick to the ER.

 Photo bombed by Julia

 

There was a lot of football watching

 

Terry was in charge of the turkeys. We fried not one but two! They were so good. Nice and tender and juicy. Have you ever fried turkeys? Once we tried a fried turkey umpteen years ago, we never went back to roasting. So good.

 

We made three semi-homemade pies. We used store bought crusts. I haven't mastered homemade crusts yet. I made a pumpkin pie and pecan pie and Julia made an apple. 

 

Poor Uncle Tom was in charge of carving the turkeys with our very dull knives. 

 

We had a fire going all day because it was so cold outside.  It was nice and cozy.

 

 

We pulled out the fine china and red solo cups because we're classy like that.

 

 A group shot at the end of the night. Poor Patrick looks so wiped, he couldn't even fake it. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I hope it is a relaxing one for you!

on grief and gratitude

 

(These pictures were taken a couple of weeks ago. Everything is bare now and not quite as green, it is definitely late November now.)

The pain comes in the quiet, when I am still. It is swift and hard and catches me off guard. At times it takes my breath away and causes me double over. I cry out “why?” I weep. I want my baby. I didn’t get to kiss him enough, or hold him enough, or look at him long enough. He is not here and I feel like part of me is missing. It sounds cliche but that is the best way to describe what I’m feeling. This grief is hard and raw.

 How do I combat it? What do I do when I start to feel sorry for myself? I become grateful. I start to list all of the good things. 

I did get to hold him. 

I did get to kiss him. 

His brothers and sisters were able to meet him and love him. 

Look at all of these beautiful faces around me.

When I pick Henry up he wraps his arm around me and pats my back, his other little arm wraps around my neck.

Amelia’s laugh

My husbands strength

The landscape around me

my list goes on and on....

 My grief slowly turns to joy. I take a deep breath and keep going until the next time, the next bit of quiet. I have to go through this. It is just part of it. It has only been 3 months but it almost feels like a lifetime ago. 

 I will continue to be grateful because our God is good and generous. Life is hard and messy, and yet beautiful. My God, and all of the blessings that I have will help carry me through. All grace.

 

 

Moment By Moment

Thomas's funeral Mass was last Saturday, the 24th. It was the most beautiful Holy Mass I have ever participated in. There were so many people in attendance. We were just so overwhelmed to see so many people there for Thomas. So many people there for us. Just one of the many, many, blessings of Thomas for us was how our community rallied around us. Right from the diagnosis at 9 weeks, everyone just started praying. Not only that, they gave of themselves. Whether it was helping us get this house together by painting or cleaning, or moving us into this house, or offering us a shoulder to cry on, they were there for us. They still are. I said in Thomas's eulogy that they were the hands and feet of Christ for us. They helped carry us this past nine months. We are humbled.

Also humbling, is all of you. Many of you who read this blog I have never met, yet you offered prayers for our sweet Thomas and your kind words of encouragement lifted me up. Our many dear friends in Florida whom we moved away from texted and called and prayed. You were still there for us, as you have been so many times in the past. We love ALL of you and pray for all of you.

 During Thomas's Mass I was looking at his little white casket and I heard a loving voice say "but he is not yours, he belongs to Me, they all do." And they do. My beautiful children, they belong to God. Our goal as parents is to get them to Heaven. To raise them for Him. To know Him, love Him, serve Him. He wanted another saint. He gave us the gift of Thomas for a little while. He wanted him and we knew it right from the start. I know this to be true. I really do. But gosh, I really want my baby! I have many, many tearful moments. At times I am filled with such tremendous sorrow. I miss him so much. I feel the comfort of our Lord during these times. I unite my heart to our Blessed Mother as she surely knows my pain. I cry out. I know my God will not leave me here. He will pull me through this. I just have to take it one moment at a time.

So how are we doing? I'm not going to lie. It has been an incredibly hard two weeks. But, as hard as this has been I can not imagine not going through this. I can't imagine not having had Thomas. The thought of that. The thought of never having had him. That, makes me cry. (like I said, I have been crying a lot.) We would have missed out on so much. God's Grace showered us abundantly. If we would have said no to Him, said no to His Will, we would have said no to all of the blessings and graces that came with carrying this cross. I think of the many mothers and fathers that say "no" and about all that they are saying no to. I then think of the cross that they carry now. If they only knew. I pray for them.

 

It's Time

Today is the day. We are going to meet our sweet little boy later on today. Please continue to pray for us, I know you will. You all have been so awesome.

As you can imagine we are feeling all sorts of emotions. On one hand I am excited to see him and hold him. On the other hand I can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end and it breaks my heart. Julia said "I wish he could stay in your belly forever where he would be safe." Exactly. Terry and I are just so sad. Trying to remember that God is in control. God knows Thomas's days and how long he will be with us just as he knows with all of us. Thomas's story is already written. I am praying this time will be blessed and beautiful.

Our prayer requests:

-Strength for Terry and myself, so that we can be strong for the children.
-Wisdom as far as the children go and letting them see Thomas. I want to protect them from pain yet I want them to see their brother.
-Praying that there are not any complications with the birth for Thomas. Henry needed to go to the NICU because he had developed a pneumonia from inhaling amniotic fluid. This would be very bad for Thomas, so I really pray it is an easy, non traumatic healthy birth for him.
-Praying that we can recover in our own room with just our family and not in the L&D recovery room with other patients.   Answered! Spoke with the nurse and we have will have our own room!
-Praying for my c-section and that I am not feeling to sick, so that I can be fully present with the time we have with him.

I will have one of the girls update on here as soon as possible with any news. 

Thank you for your prayers.

love,

Kirsten

(The pictures above aren't related except for the last one. They just make me happy.)

My Big Awesome Family and Why Some People Don't Think It's Awesome

It was a Sunday afternoon this past spring, I had taken my pregnant self and the four younger children to watch Mary Jane’s soccer game. We walk into the soccer fields and walk up to the snack bar, me pushing Henry in his stroller. I told the kids they could get a treat and then we would go and find our seats on the bleachers to watch their big sister play. The kids were happily chatting and discussing what they were going to get. In the corner of my eye I see the snack bar lady inspecting us. She looks to be in her early 50‘s. She has a look on her face. Unfortunately, I have seen it before. She turns to her co-worker whispers something in his ear, steps back and says “If that was me I would slit my wrists.” Why she didn’t whisper that into her co-workers ear I don’t know. Maybe she wanted me to hear. Thankfully my children didn’t. Normally I don’t let things like this bother me. But that Sunday afternoon her words cut like a knife. I know it is because I am coming from a hard place right now. This woman looked at me pregnant and my four beautiful young children and said that my life was not worth living. If it was her she would rather be dead.

I felt my cheeks go hot. I urged the children to make their selections. I had a big smile on my face and finished the transaction. We walked away and found our seats on the bleachers. At first I was angry and hurt. Then I thought of all the things I could of said but probably shouldn’t have anyway like, “Well, this is only half of them and I homeschool six of them so I am with them ALL DAY LONG!!! GASP!!” Or even to describe the blessing of Thomas! Surely she would freak! Then, I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry that she doesn’t see the beauty and blessing of children. I know she didn’t notice the sparkle in John Paul’s eyes, or the infectious smile on Amelia’s face, or Catherine’s quiet, sweet demeanor. Not to mention Henry’s chubby cheeks and dimply toddler hands. She is missing out. 

 When did we get to the point in our society that children are considered a burden and to hard to handle. And goodness forbid you have more than a couple of children and some people think you are insane, like crabby snack bar lady. I know not everyone feels this way but I notice a growing sentiment toward this way of thinking. Why is it this way? 

Is it the sacrifice? Because yes, it is sacrificial living. I don’t have a lot of free time. We can’t take big vacations. We do a lot of thrift store shopping. It is also messy. My house is usually messy. So is my big van. I always have gobs of laundry. We are busy. It is loud and sometimes chaotic. So maybe that’s it. We as a society don’t want the mess and sacrifice. Or maybe it is that God is being pushed out of our society. I have really noticed that lately. Because God is Love and God is Life. God loves life!! A Godless society is one that despises life. I don’t know. These are the things I ponder. It is sad really. 

 So, crabby snack bar lady, I feel bad for you. I feel bad that you’re missing out; missing out on a big, beautiful, messy, sacrificial life. It is really more awesome than you can imagine. I feel bad that you don’t notice the beauty in the small things, most especially God’s children. I’m praying for you because I’m not sure where your coming from or what you’ve been through. I will never forget you so be assured of my prayers. Don’t feel bad for me. My husband and I have been open to God’s blessings and bless us He has. It is beautiful and awesome!!!

 

 

 

 

Summer Days ~ day by day

Thank you all for your comments, and emails, and prayers. I am thankful that I have this place to write. It helps me to clear my head. I am even more thankful that you come and visit. My postings have not been light and easy, happy reading. It is just where I am right now. 

We are slowly unpacking. I am almost ready to take some pictures and show you all our new home. We are blessed. I almost have the main level done, and then I need to attack the basement and the books. So many books. Not enough shelves. I hate to get rid of books. Anyway, we are getting there.

We have so much work to do on the outside also. I am itching to get dairy cows and chickens, and some beef cows again. We just don't have the appropriate housing yet. The fences need a ton of work.  Terry had a big patch tilled for me to get a garden started. Again, we don't have the fencing to keep the deer out but Terry knows me and knows I needed to start somewhere. I needed to start. I Love Him.

The pool is now blue and clear and swimable. A great improvement over the green algae colored mess that it was. The kids are having a blast. 

So we are hanging in there. Thomas is still moving and rolling and kicking. We are 31 weeks. He is a little fighter. His growth has continued to slow. He only gained a half a pound in the last month. He is around 2.3 lb when he should be around 4lb. There have been some tough days. The reality of what is happening is hitting the kids and it has been gut wrenching. I hate to see them hurting. They love Thomas so much also. We all have each other and we will get through this. 

We'll get there day by day.