I had an appointment last week with my OB. It was the first time I had seen her since the official diagnosis with Thomas. I had been avoiding it. The minute she walked in the room I burst into tears and we cried together. I knew that would happen, hence why I avoided her. I love her. We talked for a long while. She explained how the OR will be during the delivery and we talked about bonding with Thomas after he is born. I think about all of this to much and it is almost to much to bear.
I should probably back up. I had another ultrasound last week. Thomas's entire brain is in the encephalocele. There is also some fluid forming around his heart. My OB thinks that is what is going to cause the most trouble for him as far as how long I will carry him. She doesn't think I will carry him much longer. Needless to say these visits are so so hard. It leaves me entirely drained.
I really just want to crawl in a hole and sleep until I am past all of this. But...I know that will not help. I also have my beautiful family to care for. (Thank you my dear Lord.) There is soccer, ballet, track. There is a house that we are remodeling, (i can't wait to tell you all about this whole process and God's timing and hand in all of this) a house that we are packing up, dinners to make, laundry to do...you get the point. Life continues on and for that I am thankful. It is crazy beyond crazy though. I am getting by through by the Grace of God. And prayers. Dear friends thank you for that.
(The pictures above are from our new farm. We are still trying to get that house done and ready to move into and our current house packed up. I am praying this will all happen in two weeks. I think it wil take a small miracle for that to happen but one can always hope!)