Thank you all for your kind words and your prayers. I sometimes wonder about this whole blogging thing and sharing the hard things. I always hope that what I'm going through can help someone. So, thanks for letting me share and for thinking about us. After a lot of prayer I feel I have made it through that dark patch. I am grateful.
I have been spending time in Adoration and just spending some quiet time in prayer. I have been using the meditation by Mother Teresa called I Thirst . I printed it out and have been bringing it to adoration with me and it has been very fruitful. My favorite part:
I come - longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with My power, that I might carry you and all your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.
Every time I pray it I cry and cry. And I think that's just what I need; quiet time to be alone and pray and cry. I highly recommend this meditation. If you can print it out and go to adoration before Easter and meditate on this, I really think you will be blown away.
I was speaking to a mom who has gone through something very similar to us and she told me she still cries to this day over her son. He would would have been 19 years old. She told me you never get over it you just get on with it. And yes, that I must do. I need to tell myself it is okay to cry and be sad. I need to tell my kids this. I have some who are struggling also.
Life is full of such wonderful beautiful blessings and I've most definitely had my fair share of those. But life is also sometimes filled with sadness. Everyone. Everyone goes through this. I am not the only one. But I also know that my Lord loves me and cares about MY hurts. He wants to console me and heal me. We prayed and prayed for healing for Thomas. In my heart of hearts I knew God had other plans for him, bigger plans than I could comprehend. Sometimes our Lord wants us to walk that hard path, always promising to be there, always for our sanctification. He is there to take away the hurt and heal us. We need to ask for strength and rely on Him and Him alone for we cannot do it ourselves. His grace is sufficient.
So, my crazy theory of keep busy, keep moving, and don't think about it doesn't work because I am trying to do it on my own. It was painful for me to go to that place in my mind and heart. But I have to let myself go there. He meets me at the cross. He wants me at His feet. There, I am able to cry and cry out. He is my Savior after all.